Monday, April 09, 2007

God's Done it Again!!!

Then Peter said, " See, we have left all and followed You." So He said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life."
Luke 18:28-30
I called my mother in tears about 3 or 4 weeks ago after a long week of what seemed to be relentless opposition. Our power had been shut off, AGAIN, the phone shut off, AGAIN, and we received one of those letters in the mail that everyone looks forward to; a repossession notice from the bank that we had 7 days to respond, or bye-bye truck. I just needed to hear someone tell me it was going to be okay- that it was going to get better- some words of encouragement and support. But that was not what I received. As my mother began to share that she didn't have any words of encouragement to give because she did not believe my family was to be in Clermont, she also went on to sharing her reasoning. HOWEVER, the spirit inside gently spoke, and I chose to instead cling to the whispers from within instead of the clammer from outside. God reminded me the signs and scriptures He gave in directing us here was not for my family, my mother, or my friends, but for me, for Adam, and for our family. I heard Him gently say, "Hold on! I've still got you, I'm still listening, I'm still providing. Just hold on, because I'm doing what I do, and I still care-I see where you are, and I'm not going to drop you. Just keep trusting, keep following, keep listening." I didn't get what I was looking for from my mother, but at the same time, I got exactly what I needed from my God!
My mantras have changed each week, and I've had many:
God didn't bring us here to drop us on our heads.
God knows what our needs are, He's going to provide.
Lord, I'm trusting you. I don't understand, but I'm trusting you.
Can I just get a break?
Where are you?
I know you wouldn't bring us here to ruin our credit, raise our debt, and let us starve!
Oh yes, I've had many mantras repeated over and over, and many more, which I just don't care to share, but each one, God's heard. And each week, He provides, just not in ways which I would want Him to, initially, or think He should, initially. But He does it.
Our most recent provision was incredible. We've been working with a couple to create a budget for our family, and see what financial assistance they could help us with. At the same time, God has blessed me with a new friend, Kim, who moved to Clermont about 2 years ago, and shares a struggle and story so similar to ours that when I first heard her share it, I thought, "this is our story!" This couple who is helping us also blessed us with provisions for a babysitter and datenight every other week for the next couple of months! (Again, weird needs that God sees, but we don't even consider!)
So, Adam and I had a date night, and we were just praising God for the many ways He is stretching our faith, and how He is using us to minister to others. But isn't it like the enemy to come right behind the blessing and try to steal your joy? We awoke to our water being cut off, AGAIN, and all I could think is how this pattern is becoming predictable with Satan. Just like him after an incredible night of edifying our King! So, Adam says, "What are we going to do?"
"What we planned on doing before this happend," I said. " We are going to the pool to meet up with Kim, we'll scrounge up what we have to pay the minimum, and take what we need to shower there." So we did. With the tips Adam had just earned, and my $2, we were able to get the water reconnected, and then we headed to the pool.
When we arrived, Kim slipped a little pouch into my bag and said, "This is from me and Michael. We both feel you guys should have this." I chose not to look at it then, just said, "well, whatever it is, thank you." While we are at the pool, our landlord called Adam. We had previously asked how much notice he would need, as well as the penalty if we were to find somewhere less expense to live before our lease was up. The same couple helping with our budget is also on the lookout for a less expensive place to live. He had said he would do what he could to work with us, and that he would talk to Adam about it later. When they spoke, Adam explained that this pay check HAD to go to some bills, because usually, it all goes to our rent. At this point, we had only been able to pay $800, and our total rent is $1400. We have never been able to pay our rent all at one time, and our landlords have been such a blessing by allowing us to trickle our rent to them throughout the month. The problem we discovered once looking at our budget was that Adam's income barely covers our rent plus one to two other bills each month. So instead of ever catching up, we've just continued to get further and further behind.
Dave, our landlord, was really understanding, saying that his goal was not to break our family. He asked what Adam thought we could afford for the next two months (which are the last 2 months due through our lease), and Adam said, "well, what's the minimun you can take?"
"I was thinking $1000."
"We'll take it!" Adam said.
So Dave goes on to say that we don't have to pay anymore for the month of March, and that we will only owe $1000 for April and May, because June's rent was paid up front. So Adam get off the phone and shares what just happened, and we are both so overwhelmed, excited and releaved. I then turn to share with Kim what just happened, and she said, "One thousand dollars?! Wow, that's amazing!"
YES IT IS!! So, Kim leaves and we keep her key for the pool and shower. I went to place the key in the little pouch she gave, and decided to go ahead an open her gift. There was a little sheet of yellow construction paper, and written on it said, 'This is a blessing from the Lord.' When I unwrapped it, I thought at first that what I saw was a check for $100, but when I looked again, I realized it was a check for $1000! I was overwhelmed and just cried. All I could think was how amazing, Dave just said $1000, and here is this check for our rent- for the EXACT amount! So I share with Adam as soon as I come outside.
"Guess what Mike & Kim gave us!" I said.
"A gift card for groceries!" he said, which is funny, because I just assumed that's what it was too.
"No, guess again."
"A check." he said hesitantly.
"Yes, do you want to guess for how much?" I said, about to burst!!!
"I dunno."
So, when I told him $1000, he was shocked. What was the coolest thing about it- for Adam, he said, was that this was the first miracle he'd ever seen God without a doubt do.
And here I was, a few weeks before sayin' to my God with tears in my eyes, "why are here? what are we doing here, we are broke, this is miserable, i hate this!" And all the while, He was working up this plan (among others, I know). You want to know what's really cool, is when we went to return the key and say thanks, Kim was so insistant on not receiving the glory, but that they were just giving from the provisions given to them. That when Kim and I had shared our stories, she wanted to give me a check right then to help us, but knew she needed to wait, pray and talk to her husband. They invested three days of prayer into the amount they should give, and both came up with $1000.
God's assurancances aren't casual, nor are His provisions. He did a few other things immediatly afterwards, and we are on the road to bringing our debt up to date, but I've held you captive long enough. I will close with this: He has honored our obedience to follow by giving us our rent, groceries, power, AND EVERY NEED, through random individuals, some of whom we've known, but mostly from those we don't. God can use whomever He wants, including you! His promises are real, His assurances are real, and His power is real! He didn't feed the thousands without plans to feed you. And He didn't perform miracles in the past just to prove He could, but to give us the expectation for them! He is awesome and relentlessly faithful!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Intentionally Joyful....

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, you faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4 (The Message)
As I am surrounded by my friends and family this season, I easily feel a sense of peace, assurance and joyfulness. However, the past few months during the "transition" phase, I somehow lost that joy- not the peace and assurance, but the joy. I found myself so often mourning and grieving, angry because so many of the things I thought were going to happen one way have happened another, or not at all. Instead of keeping my total attention upwards, I've allowed it so many times to shift diagnally, horizontally, kadawumpusly-following the direction of distraction, lack, confusion, loneliness and loss.
Just as my attention shifts, so does my joy. I've unconsciously fallen into the trap set before me, and just like my lost brothers and sisters, been overwhelmed and overcome by the world, handling the stresses no different than one who has not been given any hope. I lose sight of the power of intent. Instead of bringing myself immediately to the awareness that I'm chasing the dark rabbit into the deep hole, I mindlessly chase it so far into the depths, that I sometimes get stuck in the crevices seeking my way out. Sometimes I'm out in moments, sometimes days.
But the beauty of perspective comes more easily when you are back home and surrounded by comfort. The faces you know, the roads you know, the predictability of life as you've always known it seems to open the doorway for clarity- the doorway I've had a hard time opening, and sometimes walking through.
So, with the new year, I've decided to take this step through the doorway very seriously. Not with resolutions, but resolve. I've decided to take a focused approach- intentional joyfulness. When I'm in the midst of distractions-unpaid bills, another rejection when attempting to establish relationship, not seeing my husband because of his insane hours, a tired and fussing baby, an angry and confused preadolescent- I'm going to detach and check myself. Am I going to chase the rabbit of inevitability? It is inevitable to experience all of these things- I'm transitioning. But my response is not, nor does it have to be. I can feel it and not be consumed by it. Instead of getting stuck in the hole, I hope to not even enter it by immediately shifting my focus on my abundant blessings. By being intentional in my joyfulness, I believe that not only will I overcome them, but I will overcome them with more power and gain even more insight and understanding to pass on to those that come behind me.
I'm grateful for new years. A new year with new focus. A new year with new intent. A new year with new lessons. A new year for renewed life. Namaste.