Always on a Learning Curve..

The past two weeks have been some of the most trying weeks for me emotionally, spiritually, relationally. Although God assured us prior to our move, and continues to assure us even now, that we would be provided for, it is none the less exhausting and strenuous to wait patiently for His divine provision. I heard it said by Rick Ousley, that for a god who is timeless, He is neither late, nor early, but ALWAYS right on time.

So, let's explore that a bit shall we?

Since our move, God placed on my heart a friend of mine. I could not figure out why he was so heavy on my heart, and just lifted Him up in prayer assured that whatever his need, God knew. But one morning, I just couldn't shake him, and decided to call in order to get specifics on how it was that I should pray for him. He shared his heart's struggle, which at this time was finances. He's in business for himself, in debt, and not knowing where the money is going to come from. God has assured him he's gonna be taking care of, but the anxiety is there none the less. He shares further details, and then asks about me- what am I dealing with and how could he pray for me. Now, do you think it any 'coincidence' that God burdened my heart with a friend who was also struggling with where he was to recieve his daily bread at such a time that I too was struggling? Well, if you doubt, continue on.
So, I share that I am also struggling. Adam and I are broke, but continuing to trust. That the transition has been difficult, but comforted with the peace and assurance God has promised. That I was lonely, and really having a hard time making friends with the ladies in the neighborhood. BUT MY CURRENT BATTLE, was with the newest challenge God gave me the day before; "receive love offerings for your work and allow me to determine your worth. " ..oh yes..the conversation between me and God went like this:
"receive love offerings for your work and allow me to determine your worth. "
"what the *#%$? GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS? MORE UNCERTAINTY? was moving to Florida not enough? now, I'm not supposed to charge?"
"Trust me, and I'll determine your value, and give you what you need each day. I'll see to it that you are paid accordingly."
"OK...God, that's bold..I don't know if I can hang..I really don't. I want to know what's coming in..I want to know what to expect..I want to know what I'll be bringing to the table...THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!!"

Yeah, crazy right? Well, as I shared with my friend, he said, "all that keeps coming to mind is Prov.3:5..lean not on your own understanding, but trust in Him, and in all things, He will direct your path."
So, after we hung up, I grabbed my bible (I like to read the entire chapter, not just snipits). Now, earlier that morning, I had journaled, "God, I'm lonely..I need friends. I'm here to serve, I'm here to minister. What is it that you want me to do? I need insight and wisdom. I need to hear directly from you..please, speak to me."
Well he did. Not only did he speak through my friend, but as I continued to read down further, He spoke so loud it brought tears to me.
"You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She's worth far more that money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. "
Oh yes..and you'd think that's all I needed for convincing right? But no, I sought out my mother and poured my heart out even more, but continued to talk it back around full circle. God did not bring me to Clermont to make money- he called me here to serve and minister. And if my focus truly is set on the winning of souls and growing the kingdom; of healing and nurturing the spiritual and emotinal upsets in lives, then He promises me all else will be given to me. (Matthew 6:33)
All else includes my rent, my groceries, my clothes. But I still wrestled with it. All that day, and the following, my prayer was simply, "God, I want to be obedient..I really do want to be obedient, but I don't know how. I don't know if I can." If you've never wrestled with God, let me just say, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to fight, and it's exhausting to resist, but when you can't shake it, and the peace doesn't come, you gotta let it go. So I journaled that night with resolve.
"OK, God. I surrender all. We'll do it your way, although it doesn't make sense. I've got all kinds of questions, but I'll trust."

INSTANT PEACE! INSTANT PEACE!

I knew the choice was made, and was able to rest in the assurance that He never goes back on His word. That Sunday, our pastor had a friend in from Birmingham. We talked about his visit, and I suggested he come by the house so I could nurture him with a massage. I had shared with him later that evening, when asked, how God had recently challenged me, and how I had accepted, just trusting and curious as to how things would turn out. He scheduled, and wound up coming to see me later in the week. He received his massage, and said he wanted to make a donation, which I graciously accepted. We visited for a while, and then he left. Would you like to take a ganter at how greatly we were blessed?


Take your time, I'll give you a moment.

$1000. $1000. Have you ever heard of anyone paying $1000 for a massage? For paying $1000 and not even being given an amount? THANK YOU , GREAT PROVIDER! What an incredible gift, and of impeccablly divine timing, to boot..cause rent was waaaayyyy past due, the gas was on 'E', and we were growing ever-more anxious.
I say all that to say this. God didn't come on my time, or the landlord's, which would have been at the first of the month. Nor did he come the following week, which would have been a little more comfortable, although still not 'on time'. Instead, he chose to challenge my faith in the midst of an already uncertain time, with the very thing that we needed most- money..and yet, He promised AND delivered ON HIS TIME.
Need I say more? Well, maybe just a little. I thought before we left, that I had gone to a pretty intense level with God..that my understanding and intimacy with Him deeper than I've ever known. But He continues to show me that not only am I only scratching the surface, I'm always gonna be on a learning curve. I'm never gonna have Him figured out. And I'll never be able to depend on my resources alone, because there are gonna be times where I just don't have it all together. But in His timing, through His teaching, through His provision, I'll slowly get it.
So here's to learning, and here's to learning curves!