Intentionally Joyful....

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, you faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4 (The Message)

As I am surrounded by my friends and family this season, I easily feel a sense of peace, assurance and joyfulness. However, the past few months during the "transition" phase, I somehow lost that joy- not the peace and assurance, but the joy. I found myself so often mourning and grieving, angry because so many of the things I thought were going to happen one way have happened another, or not at all. Instead of keeping my total attention upwards, I've allowed it so many times to shift diagnally, horizontally, kadawumpusly-following the direction of distraction, lack, confusion, loneliness and loss.
Just as my attention shifts, so does my joy. I've unconsciously fallen into the trap set before me, and just like my lost brothers and sisters, been overwhelmed and overcome by the world, handling the stresses no different than one who has not been given any hope. I lose sight of the power of intent. Instead of bringing myself immediately to the awareness that I'm chasing the dark rabbit into the deep hole, I mindlessly chase it so far into the depths, that I sometimes get stuck in the crevices seeking my way out. Sometimes I'm out in moments, sometimes days.
But the beauty of perspective comes more easily when you are back home and surrounded by comfort. The faces you know, the roads you know, the predictability of life as you've always known it seems to open the doorway for clarity- the doorway I've had a hard time opening, and sometimes walking through.
So, with the new year, I've decided to take this step through the doorway very seriously. Not with resolutions, but resolve. I've decided to take a focused approach- intentional joyfulness. When I'm in the midst of distractions-unpaid bills, another rejection when attempting to establish relationship, not seeing my husband because of his insane hours, a tired and fussing baby, an angry and confused preadolescent- I'm going to detach and check myself. Am I going to chase the rabbit of inevitability? It is inevitable to experience all of these things- I'm transitioning. But my response is not, nor does it have to be. I can feel it and not be consumed by it. Instead of getting stuck in the hole, I hope to not even enter it by immediately shifting my focus on my abundant blessings. By being intentional in my joyfulness, I believe that not only will I overcome them, but I will overcome them with more power and gain even more insight and understanding to pass on to those that come behind me.
I'm grateful for new years. A new year with new focus. A new year with new intent. A new year with new lessons. A new year for renewed life. Namaste.