Holding Out So You Can HOLD ON!

Holding Out So You Can Hold ON!

Written by April Jones, 2013

 

Dating is no easy task. Sifting through potential partners can be a bit like searching for the needle in the hay stack. You like someone, but you aren’t attracted to them. You are attracted, but there’s no depth. You’ve common interest, but no common ground. It goes on and on. Sometimes, it’s easy to get sidetracked when someone shows us a little interest, even if it isn’t entirely what we want. It’s REALLY easy to get distracted when we allow for physical intimacy to become a part of the equation, ESPECIALLY when there is only a glimmer of emotional intimacy. I once had a history of settling, even trying to force compatibility, with those I believed MIGHT be a “good fit” for me. I believed that if we were attracted, and had an intense, passionate physical connection, that the rest was certain to fall into place.  Time has brought some maturity and understanding for me in this, but as I continue to watch people settle over and over again, it makes me curious to consider why more aren’t holding out?

No one starts off thinking, “I’m just gonna settle for this one a little bit,”; but it happens, all the time. Compromise is made that a sense of companionship can be experienced, even if it isn’t completely satisfactory. Allowances for certain habits or unfavorable conditions are made so that we don’t feel lonely, or simply aren’t alone. Before you know it, a few months have passed, and you find yourself in a situation where, not only are you NOT fulfilled, you’re not happy and now struggle with how to get out of it. You’re longing becomes even greater than it was before, for the void has now been further stretched.  I must say, it is a condition I see growing, more amongst my lady friends, than my man friends, but still present in both. It saddens me to see so many wrestling with the feelings of being unworthy and unwanted, and yet they continue to settle for less than what they want and get it. They continue to repeat the same patterns hoping THIS TIME, it will be different.

People laugh and say it’s silly when I suggest making a list of desirable traits in a partner. It’s as if we’ve been led to believe we can’t REALLY have what we want, and that there is no power in our thoughts or words. “The power of life and death is in the tongue,”* and what we think and say makes a difference*. I know not everyone buys into the idea of “Manifestation”, but The Word clearly expounds repeatedly on our ability to do JUST THAT! If we don’t know what we are looking for, how will we ever find it? If we don’t know what we want, how will we know when we have it? If we don’t get clear about what we need, how will we ever know fulfillment when we are being fed? To say that it is all left to chance is not only a bit foolish, it’s a bit depressing. I believe God created ALL partners at the SAME TIME. If I was fearfully and wonderfully made*, isn’t it be probable my “help mate” was fearfully and wonderfully made at the same time?

Let’s take it back to the garden, shall we? Adam was around a while before Eve came into the picture. We aren’t privy to the exact time frame, but long enough for him to name the ENTIRE animal kingdom*, which, despite our many extinct creatures, still tallies to a rather impressive number. I don’t imagine all of these animals were just hanging around ready to be found. Adam had time to discover them all and observe them long enough to grant them a proper title. When the time came for him to have a partner, there is no mention to God’s hour of deliberation.  We know that years are only a moment to The Master*, so who knows how long or deep that sleep was for Adam. What we do know, is that He crafted a creature of Adam, for Adam. He pulled, from the center of his very being, an essence that would so perfectly match and reflect Adam, that not only did she compliment him, she catered to him*.She was flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone*.

Before God created Eve, Adam did not lack. He had everything he needed, for God was his companion and their communion complete. The Word makes no mention of Adam’s loneliness or longing. Adam never knew a “desire” for a companion, nor did he have a “need” to be intimate with someone, because his union was created under the conditions of “wholeness” with the Father. He did not know he lacked anything, for at the time, he didn’t. He was made in the image of God, which means that within his person, he was complete in both his masculine and feminine energies, for he was made in the likeness of the Great I Am! But GOD saw that it “was not good for man to be alone.”* He saw that Adam needed a partner-someone made LIKE HIM to do the “work” which he was called and DESIGNED for. God saw how having a companion would not only benefit Adam emotionally, but physically, therefore creating the desire to be “complete”. He agreed, with The Trinity*, to make man a partner in the “Holy Image”. What’s so incredibly exciting for US is that it reinforces OUR need for not only an OPPOSITE SEX COUNTERPART, but a spiritual match as well. The Trinity is comprised of THREE essential parts, and in order for our partner to properly “complete” us, they must be too! We want to forget that the Great I Am is both masculine AND feminine spirit, but since we are ALL made in His image, it would be foolish to deny that God encompasses both man and woman.

When God anesthetized Adam, He pulled from him, not just a rib, but the feminine essence, along with some of the masculine, that had made Adam whole. He took from Adam the “yin” energy and enveloped it in a frame that gave rise to a several longings in Adam. It wasn’t just a “WANT” that came over him; he ‘NEEDED HER’. He left in Adam the bulk of “yang”, or masculine traits and energy, but removed the bulk of his “yin” energy, which now left man “incomplete”. Adam was not depleted of the many attributes which are more frequently used to describe the feminine spirit, but he definitely had to sacrifice some of it, in order for her to be formed. Woman was wired to provide companionship, comfort, allure and assistance; Eve was a part of him, and yet separate enough that they had to join in the marriage bed to once again become one*. Eve hosts the “yin” energy, but was created AROUND that masculine spirit, therefore also being incomplete.  There was no flaw of design that where men are shaped and wired one way, women are genetically designed the other. This is not only evident through our physical differences, but our emotional, mental and spiritual ones.  God knew the EXACT balance required to sustain that match, and ensure the “fruitfulness”* of a holy union.

Now, let’s bring that up to modern times. God created each of us with very specific desires, interests, strengths AND weaknesses. We all have a difference in opinion, attraction, dreams and destinies. When we were shaped, our essence was formed with a counterpart that could bring balance, security, companionship and HELP. We were never designed to do ANY of this alone.* God knew PRECISELY who you needed to inspire, encourage, support and assist you in your purpose. He knows what you like in way of physical preference (and YES, that includes sexually!), what you like in personality, and most certainly what you need spiritually. We get so wrapped up in this stuff that we forget when the match is right…WE FIT. God designed the PERFECT FIT for you, and that fit is not only someone that hosts the qualities you admire, but the ones you LACK! The Lord designed your partner with, what I like to refer to as “reflective parts”. He knows our inadequacies and capabilities; both strengths and weaknesses. If He knows all these things, can’t we trust Him to bring to us someone that not only balances us but CHALLENGES us!? Our partners were designed to generate both friendship AND friction. It is easy to forget that our lovers WILL  sometimes “rub” wrong  against us, for friction is what creates refinement.*

God does not wish for us to be alone*. That was never a part of His plan. I’m not saying there aren’t those that were called to dedicate their lives to a work that is to be done without a mate, but those individuals are STILL surrounded by counterparts and community, despite the lack of physical intimacy brought on by marriage. Because we have this “desire” and “design” for a partner, we often settle into one that simply isn’t right for us.

No ”good fruit” can ever come from a relationship comprised of two individuals that have settled. There’s no long-standing rewards when a relationship isn’t right. There’s not only no reward, but no regard. When we allow ourselves to unequally yoke ourselves* with someone for the sake of comfort or more common still, convenience, there is little that will actually keep us there when “someone better” comes along. When unhealthy compromise is made in the beginning, you can be assured, it will continuously be compromised until the end. We compromise in so many ways, but the most detrimental is when we buy into the lie that we need to know someone sexually in order to truly gage our compatibility. Don’t think for a moment that God made ANY mistakes, nor is there ANY confusion, to what pleases and fulfills you in this regard. When we give into our flesh, we give up our strength. And strength is required if we are to cling to the promises God has for us!*

Believe in who GOD made you to be. Believe in the purpose and passion He has so carefully knit within you. Believe in it enough to know that if God so carefully crafted you, He also invested the same in your mate. Stop settling for the “feel good”; the “here now”; the “potential promise”, and for the “maybe one day”. Start holding off for the “prayerfully considered”; the “perfect timing”; the “promised gift” and the “definitely to come”. Keep holding out so when the right one DOES COME, you can not only HOLD ON, but CLING to the person that God has been preparing JUST FOR YOU! God doesn’t promise us mediocrity. He doesn’t promise us insecurity or compromise…He promises “good things to those He loves!”*. If you find yourself stuck and settling, get still and seek the Father’s will and wisdom. Ask yourself as you sit across someone at dinner, “does this person have the qualities I want? And do they have that which a lack?” Your mate was created with enough similarity to compliment you and enough difference to balance you. If it appears they are too much on one end or the other, than THEY ARE. Your perfect partner was forged in the same fire as you; designed and created as a GIFT! Remember these things, for God seeks to BLESS all your days!* He seeks to be glorified in ALL our relationships, ESPECIALLY the intimate ones of our home. Don’t leave room for doubt. Don’t leave room for longing. Believe that your mate awaits and seeks ONLY YOU, for they ARE! When God’s timing is present, love will unfold and blossom as it should. Passionately. Purposefully. PERFECTLY. Just as God saw Adam’s need and BROUGHT HIM EVE, so too, will He see yours!