Holding Out So You Can Hold ON!
Written by April Jones, 2013
Dating is no easy task. Sifting through potential partners
can be a bit like searching for the needle in the hay stack. You like someone,
but you aren’t attracted to them. You are attracted, but there’s no depth.
You’ve common interest, but no common ground. It goes on and on. Sometimes,
it’s easy to get sidetracked when someone shows us a little interest, even if
it isn’t entirely what we want. It’s REALLY easy to get distracted when we
allow for physical intimacy to become a part of the equation, ESPECIALLY when
there is only a glimmer of emotional intimacy. I once had a history of
settling, even trying to force compatibility, with those I believed MIGHT be a
“good fit” for me. I believed that if we were attracted, and had an intense,
passionate physical connection, that the rest was certain to fall into
place. Time has brought some maturity
and understanding for me in this, but as I continue to watch people settle over
and over again, it makes me curious to consider why more aren’t holding out?
No one starts off thinking, “I’m just gonna settle for this
one a little bit,”; but it happens, all the time. Compromise is made that a
sense of companionship can be experienced, even if it isn’t completely satisfactory.
Allowances for certain habits or unfavorable conditions are made so that we
don’t feel lonely, or simply aren’t alone. Before you know it, a few months
have passed, and you find yourself in a situation where, not only are you NOT
fulfilled, you’re not happy and now struggle with how to get out of it. You’re
longing becomes even greater than it was before, for the void has now been
further stretched. I must say, it is a
condition I see growing, more amongst my lady friends, than my man friends, but
still present in both. It saddens me to see so many wrestling with the feelings
of being unworthy and unwanted, and yet they continue to settle for less than
what they want and get it. They continue to repeat the same patterns hoping
THIS TIME, it will be different.
People laugh and say it’s silly when I suggest making a list
of desirable traits in a partner. It’s as if we’ve been led to believe we can’t
REALLY have what we want, and that there is no power in our thoughts or words.
“The power of life and death is in the tongue,”* and what we think and say
makes a difference*. I know not everyone buys into the idea of “Manifestation”,
but The Word clearly expounds repeatedly on our ability to do JUST THAT! If we
don’t know what we are looking for, how will we ever find it? If we don’t know
what we want, how will we know when we have it? If we don’t get clear about
what we need, how will we ever know fulfillment when we are being fed? To say
that it is all left to chance is not only a bit foolish, it’s a bit depressing.
I believe God created ALL partners at the SAME TIME. If I was fearfully and
wonderfully made*, isn’t it be probable my “help mate” was fearfully and
wonderfully made at the same time?
Let’s take it back to the garden, shall we? Adam was around
a while before Eve came into the picture. We aren’t privy to the exact time
frame, but long enough for him to name the ENTIRE animal kingdom*, which,
despite our many extinct creatures, still tallies to a rather impressive
number. I don’t imagine all of these animals were just hanging around ready to
be found. Adam had time to discover them all and observe them long enough to
grant them a proper title. When the time came for him to have a partner, there
is no mention to God’s hour of deliberation. We know that years are only a moment to The
Master*, so who knows how long or deep that sleep was for Adam. What we do
know, is that He crafted a creature of Adam, for Adam. He pulled, from the
center of his very being, an essence that would so perfectly match and reflect
Adam, that not only did she compliment him, she catered to him*.She was flesh
of his flesh, bone of his bone*.
Before God created Eve, Adam did not lack. He had everything
he needed, for God was his companion and their communion complete. The Word
makes no mention of Adam’s loneliness or longing. Adam never knew a “desire”
for a companion, nor did he have a “need” to be intimate with someone, because
his union was created under the conditions of “wholeness” with the Father. He
did not know he lacked anything, for at the time, he didn’t. He was made in the
image of God, which means that within his person, he was complete in both his
masculine and feminine energies, for he was made in the likeness of the Great I
Am! But GOD saw that it “was not good for man to be alone.”* He saw that Adam
needed a partner-someone made LIKE HIM to do the “work” which he was called and
DESIGNED for. God saw how having a companion would not only benefit Adam
emotionally, but physically, therefore creating the desire to be “complete”. He
agreed, with The Trinity*, to make man a partner in the “Holy Image”. What’s so
incredibly exciting for US is that it reinforces OUR need for not only an OPPOSITE
SEX COUNTERPART, but a spiritual match as well. The Trinity is comprised of
THREE essential parts, and in order for our partner to properly “complete” us,
they must be too! We want to forget that the Great I Am is both masculine AND
feminine spirit, but since we are ALL made in His image, it would be foolish to
deny that God encompasses both man and woman.
When God anesthetized Adam, He pulled from him, not just a
rib, but the feminine essence, along with some of the masculine, that had made
Adam whole. He took from Adam the “yin” energy and enveloped it in a frame that
gave rise to a several longings in Adam. It wasn’t just a “WANT” that came over
him; he ‘NEEDED HER’. He left in Adam the bulk of “yang”, or masculine traits
and energy, but removed the bulk of his “yin” energy, which now left man
“incomplete”. Adam was not depleted of the many attributes which are more
frequently used to describe the feminine spirit, but he definitely had to
sacrifice some of it, in order for her to be formed. Woman was wired to provide
companionship, comfort, allure and assistance; Eve was a part of him, and yet
separate enough that they had to join in the marriage bed to once again become
one*. Eve hosts the “yin” energy, but was created AROUND that masculine spirit,
therefore also being incomplete. There
was no flaw of design that where men are shaped and wired one way, women are
genetically designed the other. This is not only evident through our physical
differences, but our emotional, mental and spiritual ones. God knew the EXACT balance required to sustain
that match, and ensure the “fruitfulness”* of a holy union.
Now, let’s bring that up to modern times. God created each
of us with very specific desires, interests, strengths AND weaknesses. We all
have a difference in opinion, attraction, dreams and destinies. When we were
shaped, our essence was formed with a counterpart that could bring balance, security,
companionship and HELP. We were never designed to do ANY of this alone.* God
knew PRECISELY who you needed to inspire, encourage, support and assist you in
your purpose. He knows what you like in way of physical preference (and YES,
that includes sexually!), what you like in personality, and most certainly what
you need spiritually. We get so wrapped up in this stuff that we forget when
the match is right…WE FIT. God designed the PERFECT FIT for you, and that fit
is not only someone that hosts the qualities you admire, but the ones you LACK!
The Lord designed your partner with, what I like to refer to as “reflective
parts”. He knows our inadequacies and capabilities; both strengths and
weaknesses. If He knows all these things, can’t we trust Him to bring to us
someone that not only balances us but CHALLENGES us!? Our partners were
designed to generate both friendship AND friction. It is easy to forget that
our lovers WILL sometimes “rub”
wrong against us, for friction is what
creates refinement.*
God does not wish for us to be alone*. That was never a part
of His plan. I’m not saying there aren’t those that were called to dedicate
their lives to a work that is to be done without a mate, but those individuals
are STILL surrounded by counterparts and community, despite the lack of
physical intimacy brought on by marriage. Because we have this “desire” and
“design” for a partner, we often settle into one that simply isn’t right for
us.
No ”good fruit” can ever come from a relationship comprised
of two individuals that have settled. There’s no long-standing rewards when a
relationship isn’t right. There’s not only no reward, but no regard. When we
allow ourselves to unequally yoke ourselves* with someone for the sake of
comfort or more common still, convenience, there is little that will actually
keep us there when “someone better” comes along. When unhealthy compromise is
made in the beginning, you can be assured, it will continuously be compromised
until the end. We compromise in so many ways, but the most detrimental is when
we buy into the lie that we need to know someone sexually in order to truly
gage our compatibility. Don’t think for a moment that God made ANY mistakes,
nor is there ANY confusion, to what pleases and fulfills you in this regard.
When we give into our flesh, we give up our strength. And strength is required
if we are to cling to the promises God has for us!*
Believe in who GOD made you to be. Believe in the purpose
and passion He has so carefully knit within you. Believe in it enough to know
that if God so carefully crafted you, He also invested the same in your mate.
Stop settling for the “feel good”; the “here now”; the “potential promise”, and
for the “maybe one day”. Start holding off for the “prayerfully considered”;
the “perfect timing”; the “promised gift” and the “definitely to come”. Keep
holding out so when the right one DOES COME, you can not only HOLD ON, but
CLING to the person that God has been preparing JUST FOR YOU! God doesn’t
promise us mediocrity. He doesn’t promise us insecurity or compromise…He promises
“good things to those He loves!”*. If you find yourself stuck and settling, get
still and seek the Father’s will and wisdom. Ask yourself as you sit across
someone at dinner, “does this person have the qualities I want? And do they
have that which a lack?” Your mate was created with enough similarity to
compliment you and enough difference to balance you. If it appears they are too
much on one end or the other, than THEY ARE. Your perfect partner was forged in
the same fire as you; designed and created as a GIFT! Remember these things,
for God seeks to BLESS all your days!* He seeks to be glorified in ALL our
relationships, ESPECIALLY the intimate ones of our home. Don’t leave room for
doubt. Don’t leave room for longing. Believe that your mate awaits and seeks
ONLY YOU, for they ARE! When God’s timing is present, love will unfold and
blossom as it should. Passionately. Purposefully. PERFECTLY. Just as God saw
Adam’s need and BROUGHT HIM EVE, so too, will He see yours!
